She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
