Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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