all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
