I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
