Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do vagina's smell?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
