so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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