I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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