Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
