You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
