I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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