Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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