Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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