My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Randomize
