There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
