I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
