I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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