Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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