"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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