I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
im on a boat
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