Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
