I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
