How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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