how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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