i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
