thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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