I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
