chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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