Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
