totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
