I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
