Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
