Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
