i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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