I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
