Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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