I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
