This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
