Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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