Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sober January is a disaster.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We talked him into tasing himself.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
NoShamevember. You game?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
