the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
