Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
