Who wears a wallet chain?!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you inspire me to be a worse person
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
