whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
