Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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