I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
