Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
