Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
