i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
