there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
These tits shall not be calmed
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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