If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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