He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
